Dear Lovies,

 

Sorry for the break between posts. ZsuZsu will be back in business soon.

I miss posting so much but resources are limited at the moment and I'm going through a bit of a break down. 

Everyone's telling me it'll get better, and I believe it... I just can't bring myself out of this funk. And recent happenings haven't helped. To my loving friends and amazing boyfriend, I'm sorry I can't be strong for you all or reciprocate your kindness but thank you for always being my shoulder to lean on.

In the meantime, Drop the Cliche' <3 

The In-Between

For my birthday this year, I had a reading done with a medium in nearby Montville, NJ.

Such a magical experience, I'd hate to ruin it by sharing too much. With that in mind I will say that it made my life so clear and my load a bit lighter. Catching a glympse of yourself from a spiritual point of view is quite the enlightening experience. I recommend it to anyone with an open mind. If you want some details or contact info, message me. <3

The Fool

Blindly Vicious & Unrelenting

20/20 Hindsight

There have been a couple weeks where I thought I was getting better. Life is on the fast-track now and theres no stopping it without giving up "the dream".

I walked up to FIT on Tuesday night... frantically searching for building A when I should have been looking for B and even they sent me to C first to get a pass. First day of school jitters, I thought to myself, theres no turning back anyways-- so fuck it. I'm late... thats me. At least I'm here.

After class, I walked outside and got lost looking for the 1 train downtown and I looked up for a moment to see that I was standing under a huge arch that read "Fashion Institute of Technology". I was too tired then to even let it register. All I could think of was getting in my bed.

I've since completely checked in and out of reality and sleep. Stopping home to change and re-read an email that you had sent me back in August of 2010. So sincere, so adamant about sending me to college. You knew how badly I wanted my education. I just wonder how much you would approve of that career being fashion. And how much you would resent that education taking place in the city.

Then I think of what you went through and how I couldn't save you. My only resolution is to carry your roots of sharp simplicity and vengeance with me in my creations. You deserve justice but all I can give you are my hands. I'm going to make it work. The insanity and tears, but most of all, the devotion was not in vain. Just because you're gone doesn't mean a part of you can't reside in this world with us.

I'm clicking the heels of my sparkly red pumps

"Its not going to hurt anymore...

Its not going to hurt anymore

Its not going to hurt anymore..."

And I'm opening my eyes for you now...

Reality

Taking some time out tonight to collect my thoughts.

Tomorrow is the start of total chaos in my schedule till May. I hope I'm strong enough to handle life from here on out. I'm taking the first steps towards following my dream.

3 RESOLUTIONS FOR 2012...

1. Give myself more credit

2. Complain less

3. Improve my punctuality

I underlined the last resolution for a reason. I am the WORST spazz in the universe, I swear. I'd forget my head if it weren't attached. So I run around the house like a mad woman in the morning, making myself late for work. I've gotten better with time management, but I'm going to need all the good vibes I can get to make it through my mornings. Even if that means putting my night owl ways of contemplation and daydreaming behind me for a little while. 

<3

Here goes nothing...

Leg Envy

Why the universe has blessed me with such an unhealthy fashion obsession and a pair of short thickies is beyond me. I would just like to say that it is perfectly reasonable in my mind to feel jipped.

Hispanic heritage be damned...

At least I'll always have heels. <3

Mama Said...

On days when I feel like giving up on everything...this little blog will pull me right out of the nonsense and back on track. I'll start to remember why I want to keep it up, keep posting, keep trying. Beautiful models and photos; the art of striking emotion into fragile or even hardened hearts with a significant look or tone in scenery, topped off with the perfect outfit. It just brings me right back...

I'm almost certain I'll be posting forever, so you might as well make yourselves at home <3

Hold the Reality!

Ha!

Hold On Tight

Its taking every ounce of self-control I have not to give up on something. I find it to be a great training exercise for criticism and strength. Although, I shall not name that which I'm referring to...

I'm not good with rejection or negativity; my exterior will crumble only to rebuild itself as a more stable and unwaivering structure but inside I'll remember the feeling it gave me and obsess and analyze the scenario till its broken into tiny, insignificant pieces... 

In other words: I'm a big wimpy, drama queen.

But life goes on. And you can't succeed if you do not try, right?

<3

The New

This past year has been amazingly difficult...

but it has prepared me to be stronger. Although I feel a bit weakened by the experiences, I am grateful for the hardships. 

I've learned a lot and I'm excited to see what this new year will bring. <3  

Changing Times

Its amazing how my taste in clothing and style has evolved so far.

As a kid, I pranced around in pink, frilly dresses and cowboy boots.

When I was in 3rd grade, I had a huge green sweater that I buried myself in daily.

Middle school was long black skirts with slits up the sides paired with chunky, knee-high boots and velvet tanks with chinese writing.

High school was a mix of ghetto/goth/hippie. Multicolored short hair greased up with Murray's, Harley shirts, jeans with bondage straps hanging from each side and combat boots.

The in-between school and a year ago is harder to pin, but I think my wardrobe consisted of clubwear or t-shirts and jeans with Tims. One extreme or the other.

Either way, I would have never picked out Nicole's dress back-in-the-day. Now... I love it. I used to hate anything but the absence of color. Today, earth tones and subtle shimmers have taken over my face and clothing. If its not urban, hippie-chic, I won't wear it.

*I don't know if I'll ever do neon brights. I'm just not diggin' it yet.*  

Whats different for you? ;)

Mother's Love

Happy 500th!

No matter if I have ZERO subscribers or 5,000 one day, I always try to post my best.

Here's to the future of ZsuZsu and 500 more posts! 

Love, 

Heather 

Open For Breaks

Oh, the list never ends. Just when I think I cannot stretch myself any further, I go and take on another project. I just feel like I deserve better than to put something I want to achieve aside for regular, everyday things. 

But seriously, I might collapse at any given moment. I've got a twitch in my left eye that comes and goes with stress. My hands shake and I'm constantly yawning. My brain feels fuzzy, like it needs a good brushing... 

Yet life is so beautiful, I cannot stop. I want what I want and I won't quit until I've obtained it ALL!.

Though, I might stop for a massage every now and again ;)

Time for bed. Happy Hump Day... or Thursday! Guess I missed that bus, huh? lol

Man-Beauty Testimony

Meet Nelson Campbell. Um... in love with this dude. I adore his look and I think his way of thinking could adapt or has already taken shape in other parts of the world. Americans...tisk tisk tisk For a country with so much "freedom" we are the first to judge.

He's such a cutie. (You know me and my redheads!)

Vimeo the Video

Embracing a Darkness

Tub Trash

Nothing is more vulnerable than a fully clothed chick in an empty bathtub with glitter and messy hair. But as a member of the wasted youth and Gen-X, I could not give a left ta-ta. I digress...

My point in posting about this, is that its everywhere. Life as a teen and young adult is rough. Promiscuity has taken over America's youth. Why? Well, its easy.

There is nothing to care about but superficial bullshit. College is too expensive and a waste of time and money. Because of the economy, jobs are scarce even with a degree. (I'm hoping it will be different by the time I graduate!) Women outnumber men in the United States, so men can now be picky. The odds of a woman catching the "good catch" in their age group is beat. They're either players or dirtbags or chasing women half their age (;). So whats stopping women from looking and acting like hookers? Nothing! Its no longer frowned upon. And if it is, the pressures of being successful and happy outweigh the social status quo. Not to mention, marriage is out the window for the smart, conservative types; they want their career and they want it forever. Why break your back and the bank caring for a family when its now the norm for a woman to put herself first.

Young girls are either settling way too early or learning to fend for themselves by making the poo-nanni available whenever duty calls. Plus they were most likely raised by parents who were teens in the 90's and lets be honest with ourselves, the late 90's was a ode to the late 60's. "Free love" was replaced by "Don't worry be happy." No wonder these kids are careless. What have they got to lose really? A future-less future?
Being one of the young ladies just missing the boat on worryless wounds, I got a chance to sit back and observe my direction. I have to say, I'm not necessarily concerned. Life will not cease to exist... but roles are bound to change. The shift has begun... and the only thing left to question is what will the next generation have in store?

The Beginning

Hello Dream! I thought I had woken up long ago
Oh, if I could only express the way I'm feeling today.

I had applied to FIT in New York at the beginning of Fall this year.

Today, I find out that I've been accepted.

....and crying over my lunch.

All you Alumni out there probably think I'm being silly getting this excited. You've been there, have a chosen career, and/or are raising families. 

Thing is, I was up against a world of fashion fanatics in one of the busiest cities in the world. (Thanks for reminding me MoMo)

And I made it! 

I'm feeling pretty awesome.

On a side note: I'd like to give thanks to all my haters back in 2005. Thanks for making me feel shitty enough to leave VA. Thanks for telling me I'd never go to college in New York. Thank you Thank you! Cause without you, I'd probably take it all for granted. 

Crazy-ass Heather is going to college in EFFING NYC!

Suck it!

:D

It Just Comes Natural

Speaking of "all things natural and AWESOME": Visit Friends And Lovers 

I love her name. I love her outlook on life. I love her style!

Thank you Baby is a Sinner. I love your bloggity too <3

Think About It