Friday, February 3, 2012

20/20 Hindsight

There have been a couple weeks where I thought I was getting better. Life is on the fast-track now and theres no stopping it without giving up "the dream".
I walked up to FIT on Tuesday night... frantically searching for building A when I should have been looking for B and even they sent me to C first to get a pass. First day of school jitters, I thought to myself, theres no turning back anyways-- so fuck it. I'm late... thats me. At least I'm here.
After class, I walked outside and got lost looking for the 1 train downtown and I looked up for a moment to see that I was standing under a huge arch that read "Fashion Institute of Technology". I was too tired then to even let it register. All I could think of was getting in my bed.
I've since completely checked in and out of reality and sleep. Stopping home to change and re-read an email that you had sent me back in August of 2010. So sincere, so adamant about sending me to college. You knew how badly I wanted my education. I just wonder how much you would approve of that career being fashion. And how much you would resent that education taking place in the city.
Then I think of what you went through and how I couldn't save you. My only resolution is to carry your roots of sharp simplicity and vengeance with me in my creations. You deserve justice but all I can give you are my hands. I'm going to make it work. The insanity and tears, but most of all, the devotion was not in vain. Just because you're gone doesn't mean a part of you can't reside in this world with us.

I'm clicking the heels of my sparkly red pumps
"Its not going to hurt anymore...
Its not going to hurt anymore
Its not going to hurt anymore..."
And I'm opening my eyes for you now...

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